Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
