Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I need water and some morals
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
