I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
