Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
