genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
