dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
