Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
