oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He passed out mid-signature
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Vodka?
Forever.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
