What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
