took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
