You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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