Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
