Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
