this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
