Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We have so much sex to catch up on
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
