cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
