I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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