Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
