Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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