So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
