I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
