That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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