Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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