3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
