ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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