Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
