glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
