i used baking grease as lip gloss
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize