I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
