I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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