I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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