i jhust puked up my retainher.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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