My liver just broke up with me...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
