I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
