you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He passed out mid-signature
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
