I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
