ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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