I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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