i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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