i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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