You're my little dorito
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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