it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
