what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Randomize
