I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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