FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize