Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
