I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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