So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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