i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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