Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize