Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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