i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
