i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
