her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
