great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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