Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
two words: eviction party
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
