dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
