he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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