Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i now understand why vodka
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
