a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
