I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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