That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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