I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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