Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
