There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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