Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
