It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
